Last night, I received a heart-breaking text from a very close friend of mine. My wife and I have always had the support of this sweet girl. For confidentiality reasons, and to bring stronger emphasis to this blog, we will just call her 'Seagull'. Seagull tells me that her day has been shot to hell. Her boyfriend has dumped her and she answered him back with a text. Ya know, the kind as Nixon described during the Frost/Nixon interviews, "I gave them a sword, and they stuck it in...and twisted it with relish..."? He had told Seagull that he was not sure that GOD!! wanted them to be together. After all that I have learned this year, by reading books by 'Christian' authors, and learning how to critically think about salvation and the history and diversity of not just the Christian faith, but the Church itself, all I could think at that moment was, "WOW! What a coward!"
Now, before I get rolling, I want to mention that this is not meant to be a Christian-based blog. I do not truly care what religious basis you have or what denomination you choose to follow. My best friend is Jewish. If you think that I would let religion be what would tear our lifetime friendship apart, you are sadly mistaken! However, my main synopsis of Seagull's situation and my personal emphasis will be supported by a contextual background that I have recently discovered.
In his book, No More Christian Nice Guy, Paul Coughlin introduces some internally-conflicting dialect that ALL men may need to consider. "When I asked a man in the midst of a divorce why it was happening he repeated an answer marinated in this kind of thinking: 'Because I'm not the man God wants me to be.'I shocked him. 'That is a cop-out. No husband does it right all the time. You're basically saying that unless you're perfect, you're bound for divorce.' I said that no husband is the man God wants him to be-and if that's required, right now, then we're all in trouble- but that wasn't the source of his problem. 'Your wife didn't marry Jesus. She married you.'"
Think of how this can just as easily apply to the scene of dating. Now, I know there are many people, including authors, out there that do not embrace dating like others do. I see books like I Kissed Dating Good-Bye and am intrigued. But, this blog is relational to Seagull, so let's just explore dating for a moment, shall we? Since when did dating require a contractual agreement between not the Trinity (Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit) but the Guy, the Girl, and the Lord?!? How dare you confine a relationship to a triangle? No, I didn't say box. I said triangle! Yes, it IS one less angle, for those of you who embrace geometry more than I do! What woman in her right mind imagines a beautiful evening with a guy that does not end in a good-night kiss, but with a scroll and a feather pen?!? Guys, we ALL need some formal teaching (no, not training, nothing robotic) of how to treat out princesses! Ladies, there also happens to be books that can help men identify with what really goes on in your heart. One example is Captivating by John Eldredge and his wife. What a healthy relationship a couple could have if both read this book or the one specifically about men, Wild at Heart, together! Why not stop shooting for a "skin-deep" relationship and really try to embrace a different beauty that lies within the opposite sex? I say this, because there ARE women out there that are just as guilty of damaging men of courage internally. Her nickname, in Paul Coughlin's book, is Ms. Monitor. I strongly suggest, regardless of your denomination or sex, that you read this book. No one is truly more at fault here, but the wussification of men in our culture is beyond belief. The fact that someone would use God as a cop-out of any relationship is beyond repulsive!..and certainly, not the underlying truth 100% of the time, is it?
Ladies, you had better start learning how to let God be your man first. If some Johnny-Come-Lately comes along and wants to find your heart, he better find itbeing healed and molded in God's loving hands. Because if that is NOT wear he finds it, but between the bed-sheets,...then we are ALL in big trouble.
Note: I'm sure by now you are curious how I came up with the alias, Seagull. Well, one summer, my family and I took a vacation to Seattle. For fun, we took a ferry ride on one of the clearer days. Upon approaching the dock, there was a 'Mama' seagull in her nest, almost within arms reach off the port bow of the boat. It was one of the sweetest sights we saw the whole trip. She was not malicious, but VERY protective of her youth and had the sweetest caw you ever heard. My friend's voice upon returning home from the Navy during leave was always one of the sweetest moments I would experience upon arrival. And that statement may or may not be accurate. Seagull may be at a point in her life where she is "protecting her youth". Only she can determine that for me, but Seagull is at a very vulnerable time in her life, as I was. I've never been so proud of her as I am today.
Now, before I get rolling, I want to mention that this is not meant to be a Christian-based blog. I do not truly care what religious basis you have or what denomination you choose to follow. My best friend is Jewish. If you think that I would let religion be what would tear our lifetime friendship apart, you are sadly mistaken! However, my main synopsis of Seagull's situation and my personal emphasis will be supported by a contextual background that I have recently discovered.
In his book, No More Christian Nice Guy, Paul Coughlin introduces some internally-conflicting dialect that ALL men may need to consider. "When I asked a man in the midst of a divorce why it was happening he repeated an answer marinated in this kind of thinking: 'Because I'm not the man God wants me to be.'I shocked him. 'That is a cop-out. No husband does it right all the time. You're basically saying that unless you're perfect, you're bound for divorce.' I said that no husband is the man God wants him to be-and if that's required, right now, then we're all in trouble- but that wasn't the source of his problem. 'Your wife didn't marry Jesus. She married you.'"
Think of how this can just as easily apply to the scene of dating. Now, I know there are many people, including authors, out there that do not embrace dating like others do. I see books like I Kissed Dating Good-Bye and am intrigued. But, this blog is relational to Seagull, so let's just explore dating for a moment, shall we? Since when did dating require a contractual agreement between not the Trinity (Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit) but the Guy, the Girl, and the Lord?!? How dare you confine a relationship to a triangle? No, I didn't say box. I said triangle! Yes, it IS one less angle, for those of you who embrace geometry more than I do! What woman in her right mind imagines a beautiful evening with a guy that does not end in a good-night kiss, but with a scroll and a feather pen?!? Guys, we ALL need some formal teaching (no, not training, nothing robotic) of how to treat out princesses! Ladies, there also happens to be books that can help men identify with what really goes on in your heart. One example is Captivating by John Eldredge and his wife. What a healthy relationship a couple could have if both read this book or the one specifically about men, Wild at Heart, together! Why not stop shooting for a "skin-deep" relationship and really try to embrace a different beauty that lies within the opposite sex? I say this, because there ARE women out there that are just as guilty of damaging men of courage internally. Her nickname, in Paul Coughlin's book, is Ms. Monitor. I strongly suggest, regardless of your denomination or sex, that you read this book. No one is truly more at fault here, but the wussification of men in our culture is beyond belief. The fact that someone would use God as a cop-out of any relationship is beyond repulsive!..and certainly, not the underlying truth 100% of the time, is it?
Ladies, you had better start learning how to let God be your man first. If some Johnny-Come-Lately comes along and wants to find your heart, he better find itbeing healed and molded in God's loving hands. Because if that is NOT wear he finds it, but between the bed-sheets,...then we are ALL in big trouble.
Note: I'm sure by now you are curious how I came up with the alias, Seagull. Well, one summer, my family and I took a vacation to Seattle. For fun, we took a ferry ride on one of the clearer days. Upon approaching the dock, there was a 'Mama' seagull in her nest, almost within arms reach off the port bow of the boat. It was one of the sweetest sights we saw the whole trip. She was not malicious, but VERY protective of her youth and had the sweetest caw you ever heard. My friend's voice upon returning home from the Navy during leave was always one of the sweetest moments I would experience upon arrival. And that statement may or may not be accurate. Seagull may be at a point in her life where she is "protecting her youth". Only she can determine that for me, but Seagull is at a very vulnerable time in her life, as I was. I've never been so proud of her as I am today.
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